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Addiction Relapse Triggers

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How Managing Triggers in Recovery can Prevent a Physical Relapse 

If you’ve been in the addiction field or around an individual who have worked numerous rehab programs you may often hear that relapse is a normal and part of the recovery process. While I do agree that the potential for relapse is common and both physical and emotional relapse rates are high, I want to challenge you to think about this concept critically. If you are telling yourself that relapse is normal then subconsciously you are giving  yourself permission to relapse and that’s not what you really want.

What I do know is that most people who experience a physical or emotional relapse were never fully prepared for a full recovery. They weren’t prepared for stressful situations or having negative feelings and pain all at once and weren’t prepared for internal triggers and external triggers . So what I’d like to talk about is how you can be better prepared in your daily life and know what to look for when a trigger happens. If you can manage your triggers so that you are not at risk for relapse then your road to recovery can be one without ever having to experience a full-blown relapse. 

Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome, P.A.W.S.

Before we dive into triggers and how to prevent them I first want to talk to you about PAWS. PAWS is an acronym that stands for Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome. PAWS is basically your body going through withdrawal after it’s already gone through withdrawal. And this is common for an individual who struggled with a substance use disorder (alcohol or illicit drugs) or an addictive behavior. You may wake up one day and be like wow I’m so nauseous and my body feels so heavy – yet it’s been 2 weeks since you’ve gone through withdrawal. PAWS can also be symptoms of negative emotions. Just know that this is normal and you’ll want to treat your health like you did when you were going through detox. Relax, take some deep breaths, do what you can to move past it.  The good news is that PAWS generally doesn’t last very long and over time, the episodes will space out more and more. But PAWS can last up to one year post detox.

Some symptoms of PAWS are:

  • irritability
  • mood swings
  • anxiety
  • insomnia

Sometimes they are more physical like:

  • nausea 
  • vomiting

The reason it’s important to be aware of PAWS is so that you know that the emotions and feelings are normal. People who experience PAWS without being told it could happen while in recovery,  generally get more anxious and confused but if you know it could happen you can try to relax until it passes. The biggest reason it’s important for you to know that it could is that oftentimes PAWS causes powerful relapse triggers. So if you are aware it’s PAWS you can be very present with the symptoms and know what to do. If you are unaware that it’s PAWS you might just feel angry and agitated and desperate to not feel that way, not knowing if it’s temporary or something that could last a while. 

Warning Signs / HALT

HALT! Let’s talk about warning signs to a potential trigger and how to recognize what might be the problem. Studies have shown  A relapse prevention article published in the Indian Journal of Psychiatry noted, “Negative mood states associated with relapse include anger, loneliness, boredom, fatigue.” When you solve the problem you can manage the trigger which can prevent a physical or mental relapse. 

Yes, your body will give you some warning signs before a trigger actually happens. You may feel anxious, nervous, sad, or maybe you just feel a bit off. When you think you’re feeling a bit off or like things aren’t right I want you to say this – say it out loud if nobody is around or say it in your head and that’s HALT!  So when you say HALT you are going to stop your thoughts and think about these four things: Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired – are you any of those right now? These are the most common feelings that can trigger a drug, alcohol or behavior trigger and lead to a potential relapse. If you’re hungry or thirsty, do what you can to get a snack or something to drink. If you’re angry, what can you do to cool yourself down? If you’re lonely, is there anyone you can call or talk to right now like a friend or family member? Even if it’s a crisis hotline – just find someone to talk to. Having negative emotions can lead to mental triggers so making sure you aren’t feeling like you’re in isolation is important.  And last, if you’re tired – do what you can to relax  your mind. If you can get a nap in then that’s always ideal – but if you’re not in a situation where you can get a nap in, like work, then try to do something relaxing if you can and then be sure to focus on the underlying reason of why you might be tired – did you not get enough sleep last night? Can you try to go to bed earlier tonight? 

Okay so if you feel some warning signs and  you HALT you should be able to figure out what your body is telling you it needs. If you’re not hungry, angry, lonely or tired then do what you can to dig deep into what it is that’s making you feel off and try to do what you can to eliminate it and keep practicing HALT in your everyday life.  

Writing a Letter to Yourself

To start, you’ll want to make sure you’re in a good mental space before writing the letter. You want to make sure this letter is on actual physical paper – not your phone or on your computer.

So for this activity, I want you to take your time with this and really work through honestly with each step. This letter will stay with you 24/7 in the first 30 days of sobriety and then after that make sure it’s somewhere you can easily get to. 

So sit down, relax and take a pen and paper and start writing. 

Here are some points you’ll want to cover.

  1. What does it feel like to be free from an addiction and in recovery? Really go into detail here. You can talk about how it’s freeing to not have to rely on addictive or harmful substances like drugs or alcohol, or a behaviour to get through a day.
  2. Talk about the darkest moments, your exposure to drugs and alcohol, and how it made you feel and why partaking again will only lead you down that path. Talk about withdrawals, how you felt mentally and also how you felt physically. 
  3. Give yourself a pep talk. Include positive emotions you may be feeling. 

When writing this letter, remember it’s for your eyes only so don’t go easy on yourself. You’re only going to read this letter again if you have alcohol cravings for drugs or alcohol or feel triggered in any way.  So think of things that you wouldn’t normally want to have to rethink – you know go back to those places you never wanted to revisit because in a moment of crisis where you might be tempted to use again, this letter might just save your sobriety if you’re true and graphic. 

So for example, let’s say you said something horribly mean to someone while at the height of your addiction. Something you would never ever normally say – remember it and remind yourself of what you did once say. Maybe you stole money or lied. Also, if you had withdrawals because of a  substance use disorder, substance abuse, or alcohol addiction, talk about the worst parts – the vomiting, the diarrhea, how you felt like you were going out of your mind. 

Once this letter is finished, fold it up nicely and put it in your purse, your wallet or the back of your phone if you have that type of case. Keep it with you 24/7 for the first 30 days. If after 30 days your internal triggers or external triggers seem manageable you can put it in a drawer but never throw it away. You never know when you might need it. 

Take the letter out when you feel triggered and feel like nothing else is working. I wouldn’t use this letter as your first coping skill because it’s graphic, can cause emotional pain, it’s not nice and not something you need to read often.  

People/Places/Things (Common Addiction Relapse Triggers) 

Managing external triggers can be stressful. Remember in school when learning about nouns you were taught; people, places and things. This is a helpful phrase when learning to manage common relapse triggers.

Let’s start with people; This is probably the hardest to manage in early recovery but the most important. The thing about managing your social situations is that it’s not always so cut and dry. Some of you have the resources and abilities to cut people out completely whereas others might be stuck in a position where you have to learn how to live with people who may be causing you stress. But, if you want to have success in managing common triggers, taking a long hard look at the people in your life is where you need to start. 

Baptist Health interviewed their therapist, Brien Garcia, who stated, “As Aristotle once said, ‘The whole is greater than the sum of its parts,’  who says better outcomes are possible if you treat not just the patient but the entire family as a unit.”

Any individual who is not supportive or who has the potential to trigger you or even those who have triggered you in the past, need to go. Now I’m not saying anything has to be forever, but for now, your only focus is making sure you do not have any potential for a physical or mental relapse so if you need to take a break from the people in your life then you need to do that.  

I usually recommend making a list and start knocking them off one by one. You can text, call, face to face but let them know you will not be around for a while because you’re focusing on your own self. It may go well or it may not but it’s important and needs to be done.

 

Now let’s talk about places. Places are interesting – when thinking about places that may be triggering think about any place where you partaken in your substance abuse or behavior addiction. If these are public places or maybe it was an event, avoid it at all costs as you don’t need to put yourself into a high-risk situation. If you need to drive a different route on your way home from work so that you don’t pass the bar where you see people drinking, then drive a different route. Don’t go into a store that sells liquor, don’t drive past your drug dealers house or where you made deals. 

Now for some of you, a triggering place may be home. I recommend making this fun. Do a deep clean of your home and rearrange. Move a couch or a TV, put your bed on a different wall, park your car in a different spot, and so on. Make your place as different as you possibly can. Some of you may have the resources to do a bit of remodeling – perhaps get some new art, paint a room a different color, put your wine glasses in storage. Just constantly be thinking about places and how to avoid or change things up so that you’re not triggered. If you are triggered then think; is someone making me triggered or did I go somewhere that caused me to feel triggered?

And last, things; get rid of things that you associate with your addiction – maybe it’s any paraphernalia, if you’re addicted to porn or social media then get a new computer if possible. If you’re addicted to cocaine or used kitchen spoons – throw them away. Who needs spoons anyway right? Just look around – maybe it’s a pill bottle or your phone and you need a new one so that you’re not tempted to call someone you shouldn’t. Again if you do feel triggered, remember, HALT and assess people, places and things. 

Making a List of Coping Skills

Now for this last part I want you to make a list of all the things you can do if you feel a common addiction relapse trigger. I usually recommend listing about 10 realistic things you can do. Make sure those things aren’t things like taking a trip to Thailand. It’s unrealistic to think you can feel a trigger and then hop on a plane immediately. These 10 things should be a mix of things you can do inside and outside for not just common relapse triggers but all types of triggers. For example, walking around the block, watching an episode of Friends, making a healthy snack, writing in a journal, going to the store, things like that. Include things that can help you physically, like taking a shower or jumping jacks, things that can help you emotionally like meditation and things you can do if you need someone like calling a family member, friend or treatment provider if you have one. It’s important to have such a wide variety of healthy coping mechanisms because you never know what you may need in that moment and remember to keep the list near you at all times. Perhaps it’s a list in your phone or something you can keep in your wallet. It needs to be easily accessible so that you can pull  it out when you need it. It could be written on the back of the letter that you wrote to yourself. It doesn’t matter where you keep it as long as you know where it is. Some people like to memorize the list so as soon as they feel triggered they can mentally go through the list in their head to pick something to do. If that works for you then that might be a good solution as well. 

Addiction Recovery Treatment

Managing physical and emotional triggers isn’t easy but it’s a critical part of any addiction recovery treatment program. No matter your drug of choice or whether you struggle with alcohol or a behavior addiction like porn, sex, or video games, having the right treatment plan that caters to your unique path to recovery is essential for long-term sobriety. Sometimes, traditional rehab isn’t right. Here at Live Rehab, we help people obtain sobriety from the comfort of their own home. We have flexible options for the recovery process and a unique relapse prevention plan that is tailored for you and your situation. Our plans focus on preventing physical and emotional relapses by using a holistic approach to addiction recovery.  Everyone has the potential to live a free life, free of mental and physical illness, not be at risk of relapse and able to achieve a full recovery from addiction.

Alcohol or Substance Abuse in the Workplace

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Whether you’re in school or have a solid career, your addiction has made an impact on where you stand today. Unlike family and friends, your approach to how you handle your professional relationships can either help or hinder your future success.

In traditional in-patient treatment rehab, people are forced to either quit their job or beg their employers to keep them on while they go to inpatient treatment, which is a big ask. Some employers are in a position to do so and may encourage it as they definitely don’t want someone with a substance use disorder working or alcoholic employees as it creates poor job performance with an increase of workplace injuries, while other employers may not be in a position to help and by just bringing it up could cause you to lose your job. 

One study that was done by the National Library of Medicine, estimated that companies in the United States lose about 400 billion dollars per year annually, due to drug and alcohol related problems. Some of this is due to health care costs related to chronic disease or medical conditions caused by drug and alcohol abuse disorders such as liver disease or heart disease. This means that many employees may find the workplace policy difficult to navigate. 

A recent Hartford study showed that 52% of employers have dealt with substance misuse and addiction.

“The recent research from The Hartford is encouraging and shows U.S. employers are concerned for their employees’ mental health,” said NAMI’s CEO Gillison. “We are acutely aware that the need for mental health services is only increasing and reducing stigma in the workplace is paramount to improving the lives of employees. Mental health support in the workplace is a win-win for both workers and businesses.”

The last thing you need is to be stressed about health care costs, work or money when getting treatment for alcoholism or drug addiction. So it’s easy for these large in-patient facilities to welcome  you with open arms, give you high quality treatment but what good is that going to do after the fact if you go back and you are unemployed and have no money. That’s why being prepared is key to your success. Of course, if quitting your job is something you need to do to save your life then absolutely but if you have other options you can try first, then maybe those options are worth exploring. Not everyone needs in-patient rehab so if keeping your job is important then finding an alternative, something you can do online like here at Live Rehab might be a better approach. But that doesn’t mean work won’t be a struggle and it’s still important to know what to do in a professional environment. 

Reading the room – there is no one size fits all

When fighting an addiction there’s never a one size fits all category and that’s what makes professional working or educational relationships that much more complicated. Some people have great relationships with their co-workers and can trust confiding in them while others may put their careers in jeopardy by doing so. Some people work for companies where they are protected by a union, HR, or even have an Employee Assistance Program that can help, while others risk getting fired if their company found out about their addiction. Before saying anything to anyone, if that’s what you choose to do, it’s critical that you know the ramifications of doing so. It may help you to be honest or honesty may cause you to get fired on the spot. Does anyone even need to know about your alcohol consumption, heavy drinking habits, binge drinking, or substance abuse or will an explanation of your behavior portray you as honest and forthcoming? You need to read the room, know your rights, and understand all possible outcomes before taking any action. 

How to explain your drug or alcohol addiction as an employee

Everyone will fall into one of two categories when it comes to each professional relationship you have: you either tell them about your addiction or you don’t. With that being said, each professional relationship you have may need a different approach. Some people you may want to tell while others you may not want or need to tell. 

We talked earlier about reading the room and knowing your rights, understanding if it’s safe to talk about it or even necessary. Let me give you some examples.

Let’s say your workplace setting is a small organization with no HR, in a right to work state, and you’ve been struggling with a pornography addiction. Your addiction has caused you to lose focus on work. Part of you may want to talk to your boss to tell them you’re taking the steps now to fight your addiction but you’ll need to think about that decision and whether or not the risk is worth it. Don’t just think short term though like yes, you may lose your job but think long term. Would losing your job cause you to feel triggered and then have a relapse? In a case like this, it may not be a good idea to talk about your addiction.

Another example would be let’s say your workplace is a large organization that has an HR and maybe even a union. Let’s say  your addiction has been affecting your work, perhaps you have an unsteady gait or have had complaints about being under the influence of alcohol,  and you are in jeopardy of being fired. Some large organizations have Employee Assistance Programs programs or confidential support programs that can help and even protect you from getting fired if you’re honest and open.

Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, SAMHSA, for example, partners with federal workplaces to provide drug-free workplaces which provides employee education as well as evidence-based prevention interventions or substance abuse treatment to address substance-related issues such as job drinking. These programs are help empower everyone to take action while still being able to hold each employee accountable for their performance. 

In a case like this it may be in your best to talk to somebody as there are options that would avoid disciplinary action.

There are lots of others in between scenarios to think about too. Some of you may not want to talk to anybody but may have an alcohol use disorder. Going out drinking at Happy Hour on Friday is part of company culture. In a case like this would you tell someone? That’s a tough judgement call but we recommend, when it comes to alcohol abuse to talk to your co-workers about you not drinking. Depending on your comfort level you can say you had a problem and you’re not drinking anymore or you can blame it on something else but not saying anything at all will give your co-workers a sudden cause for concern and speculation will only arise. Did she stop coming because she doesn’t like us? Nobody is a mind reader so being professional honest, when possible is a good policy to live by. 

Having Backup Plans in Your Pocket

You might be in a situation where you were partaking in your addiction with your classmates or co-workers but aren’t ready to tell them the whole truth and to be honest, when it comes to professional relationships it’s really none of their business why you stopped drinking or smoking or whatever. If you find yourself needing to have excuses because well, it’s the workforce and that’s just reality it’s a good idea to have backup plans always in your pocket. If a coworker you’re used to drinking with or smoking weed, or using cocaine with asks you to go out on Friday, if you’re not ready with a backup plan you may be tempted to go out, telling yourself you won’t partake. That’s a dangerous situation to be in. We recommend that for at least 30 days you don’t put yourself in a situation that can jeopardize your sobriety. So what kinds of things can you say?

Maybe you have family in town, have a birthday party to go to, have someone coming over to do work on your house, etc. Just make note of things and practice how to say them so you don’t get caught off the guard. The more practice you have the more natural it will feel. Don’t worry too much about the lying part. You have to do what you have to do in order to protect your sobriety. 

My favorite excuse is to use the health or medical one. I’m on medication that doesn’t allow me to drink, smoke, etc. Not many people will question that. 

After 30 days, you’ll notice that the pressure will calm down a bit but it will still be there. You can then decide where you’re at with everything and then slowly integrate yourself back into the professional yet social side of the workplace setting.  Perhaps after time you’ll get comfortable with just saying I don’t do xyz anymore. Your co-workers should respect you for that. 

Distancing Yourself from Toxicity for Your Health and Recovery

Toxic co-workers can cause so much distress and turmoil especially when tackling an addiction. We’ve all dealt with toxic co-workers or classmates at some point in our lives but when those toxic people start to interfere with workplace conditions such as job drinking, your job performance, sobriety or your ability to stay away from your addiction it’s important to recognize that and do what it takes to keep your distance. Toxicity doesn’t generally just go away on it’s own so waiting it out to see if things get better secretly hoping they quit or change schools or jobs  is never a good idea. If there is a person or people in your professional life who are making you miserable do whatever it takes to distance yourself. If that mean changing classes if you’re in school or changing departments at your work then take immediate action to do so. Your ability to fight your addiction and fight it for good depends on you having solid and healthy relationships and that includes professional relationships too. 

Your options and Employee Assistance Programs

You may be trying to fight your addiction but sometimes work or school is what consistently causes you to feel triggered or have a relapse. We talked about how to distance yourself from toxic coworkers or classmates but we also recognize that sometimes it’s not that easy. We also talked about being able to understand your rights, knowing what’s available and accessible to you and just having an overall sense of whether or not talking to others about your addiction will be safe. Now I want to talk to you about what to do if you feel like you have exhausted all of your options and you’re in position where someone, multiple people, or even the work itself is so stressful that you feel like if something doesn’t change drastically you may be putting your ability to fight your addiction, your sobriety or even your career on the line. Before it gets to that breaking point you may have to talk to someone. Now I don’t necessarily mean that you have to talk to someone about your addiction and that’s something that you’ll need to decide for yourself but what I am talking about is talking to someone about work related issues so that they can get resolved before it’s too late. It’s better to take action now because it doesn’t always get easier.

So if this is you and you’re really struggling at work or school start to think about who you can talk to, what you’re going to say, and when you can take action.

For example, let’s say you have an alcohol use disorder and you work for a medium sized firm. You have a small HR but overall get the feeling that nobody would really understand your addiction fully. Let’s say you have a co-worker who is constantly belittling you, stealing your work and overall just bringing on a negative vibe. If switching departments is not an option and you don’t feel like you can talk to your boss about it you may want to consider going to HR to see what your options are. All they need to know is how this person is affecting your ability to work and they would need concrete examples of how this person is making your work experience miserable. 

Some of you may feel comfortable going to your boss or your teacher and asking them for general advice or help but my advice to you is to not just try and stick it out. If you do that you will end up putting your recovery at risk. Making positive changes in your life is what will set you up for long term success. 

When your performance isn’t valued – knowing when to leave 

What if nothing changes and no matter how hard you try you just keep feeling like you’re treading water. That’s a quite common place to be in when fighting an addiction. Sometimes when you are fighting an addiction you have to think about making big changes and one of those changes may be looking for a new job or a new school especially if your work situation is connected to your addiction in any way. 

When making the decision to find a new job or a new school it’s important to not make any impulsive decisions. Sometimes we can get so worked up about the current situation that we fail to see the bigger picture. But what you can do is start taking the steps you need  to make this change. 

Think about the end result and where you want to be. Do you need to change jobs? If so, what type of job would you be looking for and what steps can you take to do this? Maybe it’s connecting with recruiters, applying for jobs online or talking to people in the industry. Do you need to switch schools if you’re a student? Is it possible to stick it out to the end of the semester while you apply to a different school as opposed to dropping out right now?

Think this through and take action now. New beginnings may be in order. 

Finding the Right Treatment Provider

Your professional career and workplace setting is important and you shouldn’t have to give anything up or take any steps backwards just because of your past experiences and in fact, when tackling certain situations head on while stopping your addiction may actually help  your career or education soar. You should never feel as though your addiction is a burden so by knowing your options and where to go,  you are setting yourself up for greater success. If you are looking for an alternative to inpatient treatment or outpatient treatment for alcohol, drug abuse, or any behavior addiction, check out Live Rehab. We provide online addiction and recovery courses for those who are struggling with any addiction including alcohol dependence and drug abuse. Live Rehab’s Sobriety Success Method uses a holistic approach to addiction recovery that is flexible and tailored to your specific needs. 

Friendships in Recovery

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Why Friendships are Important in Recovery

Friendships are important for people in recovery. Oftentimes the true colors will come out and you’ll be faced with hard decisions. If you have supportive friends who do not partake in your addiction; those who you met before your addiction started, it’s important to analyze those relationships to see how you can keep them close and near you, how you can lean on them for support, and work on strengthening those relationships. On the flip side though, you do need to be careful. You need to make sure that your friendships are healthy or your path through sobriety may be at risk. According to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administrations, SAMHSA, the support of peers and friends is also crucial in engaging and supporting individuals in recovery. Having a happy life in recovery and sober living should be part of the plan. 

It’s Complicated and Depends on the Person 

For the most part, people can easily distinguish good and bad friendships but there are going to be those people who you may feel are in the middle or just not sure about where they may fall. For example, let’s say you have a best friend who you drink with and you’re trying to quit drinking alcohol. When you tell this friend they are supportive and tell you they are going to be there for you no matter what. Then one day they come with beer and offer you one, you decline and they don’t give you a hard time but after a few beers they start talking about how they don’t understand why you can’t just have 1 or 2 or drink occasionally and tell you how much they miss their drinking buddy and things haven’t been the same. This makes you feel bad. The next day they call and apologize and say it won’t happen again. Is that a healthy relationship or a toxic relationship? Well, I can’t answer that for you specifically but I can say that there are certainly red flags. If that person is willing to hang out with you sober and do sober things and it was a one off situation then I say there’s probably a good reason to keep that friendship strong. On the flip side, if it happens again then you’ll know it wasn’t just a one off thing and it’s probably best at that point to consider the relationship unhealthy even if they apologize for their behavior. 

Signs of an unhealthy friendship

The people you are surrounding yourself with will dictate how well your recovery is going. If you’re serious about breaking your substance abuse or behavior addiction forever you need to  create space around your thoughts so that you can be receptive to information you may not want to see, hear, or do. But it’s important. 

An unhealthy or toxic friendship will not help  your recovery journey one bit. If you have a friend who is constantly justifying your behavior or trying to make you feel good about what you do, that is a dangerous emotion and a huge red flag. It’s an unbearable feeling when a friend is cruel and has negative influences on your recovery. You are here because you know you need to quit your addiction – your friends and social interactions should be supportive of that 100% so if they aren’t, it’s not  a friendship you should be involved with right now. 

If you have a friend who also partakes in your addiction with or without you and can’t go anywhere without doing it then that’s another sign of an unhealthy friendship. For example, if your addiction is alcohol and your friend can’t visit or go anywhere without drinking then that’s a problem. If your addiction is video games or social media and your friend can’t do anything else but that – then that’s a problem too. 

A huge red flag is if you have a friend who discourages you from getting help. A friend that says, “Seriously? Everybody does xyx – you don’t have a problem.”  Please be cautious of those friends. That is not okay and every friend you have should be supporting you through your recovery.

If you have a friend who is constantly peer pressuring you to do more of your drug of choice, alcohol, or behavior or if you have a friend whose life revolves around your specific addiction then that’s another reason to be apprehensive. And last, if you have a friend who is threatening to end your friendship if you stop your addictive behavior then that’s not a friendship worth trying to even keep. 

With all that being said, you may need to make some hard choices.

When to walk away

Identifying an unhealthy or toxic friendship is pretty straightforward but knowing when to walk away may not be and there are many different factors that play a role in this decision. Just because the relationship is unhealthy, doesn’t always mean you need to walk away. Some friends may adjust their behaviors once they find out you’re breaking your addiction. For example, let’s say you’re addicted to opioids and you had a friend who was using too and would discourage you to get help. However, now that they know you’re stopping your addiction they’ve decided to get their own help as well. In that case you wouldn’t want to walk away and could cautiously use each other for support. On the flip side, let’s say that friend still tells you that you don’t have a problem and comes by with pills or whatever and tries to pressure you to get high with them even knowing your stance, you might have to flat out tell them that you cannot be their friend anymore. There is no friendship in the world that means more than your recovery. What I mean by that is that a real honest true friend would never put you in a situation where you’d even have to think about walking away. It’s time you put yourself first. You’re worth it. 

Signs of a Healthy Friendship

Having healthy friendships can be a lifeline to sobriety. As we’ve been talking about unhealthy and toxic friendships and when to walk away it’s also important to talk about healthy friendships and how they contribute to an overall healthy life. It’s not uncommon for people who are fighting an addiction to feel like they have no friends when they start recovery. Loneliness is one of the main reasons people relapse.  Therefore, it’s important for you to know that this may happen so you can be fully prepared mentally and know that it’s completely normal. But if you stick with it, you’ll start to eventually make sober friends and be able to re-strengthen those relationships that you had with friends who were not bad nor toxic – the ones who are were there for you before, who are there for you now and those who are genuinely rooting for you success. 

If you have real friends who do not partake in whatever addiction it is you’re fighting and who want to see you succeed then it’s important to hang on to those friendships. If you don’t though, just know that this is a normal part of the process. For some of you, all of your friendships may have been based around your addiction and you might have to walk away completely. It’s like starting over with a clean slate. While in recovery, as you work through the process and start taking action you’ll eventually start to meet like minded people through different hobbies you may be taking up, maybe  you’ll join an in-person support group, or maybe you’ll just meet new people with the same interests as you through apps or whatnot. Some of you may have a solid family and that might be all you need for now. The rest will come later and in time. Spending time with friends is important but remember to always put your recovery first. 

How to Keep a Healthy Relationship Strong in Addiction Recovery

You heard me just talk about knowing when a friendship is worth hanging on to and that’s if you have a friend or friends who don’t partake in whatever it is you’re addicted to, who have always been there for you in the past, who is there for you now and who is genuinely rooting for your success. Those are friends to hold onto. But in order for them to continue to be your friend you’ll need to know that it won’t be easy for them just like maintaining a solid friendship in recovery isn’t going to be easy for you. I want to talk to you about how you can be sure your friends continue to stay your friends. 

First off, it’s important that you communicate with your friends about where you’re at. Nobody is a mind reader and if you’re having a bad day, struggling with triggers or post acute withdrawal syndrome, and you feel like you’re going to snap at someone anytime, it’s probably best to keep your distance but don’t blow anyone off without telling them why. Recovery from addiction is not fluid and can be sometimes unpredictable.  For example, let’s say you have lunch plans with your best friend but you wake up crabby as heck and you know if you go to lunch  you’ll probably end up saying or doing something crabby. In that case it’s best that you tell your friend what’s going on and then make plans to reschedule. If you keep it all inside, how do they know not to take it personally if you lash out on them or if you skip the lunch without texting? They won’t know that and that could put your friendship in jeopardy. 

Another thing to think about when maintaining good high quality friendships while in recovery is understanding that you no longer should be putting yourself first. I know that sounds counterintuitive from what we were talking about earlier but what I mean is that when it comes to toxic and unhealthy friendships you should absolutely be thinking about yourself and your sobriety. But when it comes to healthy solid friendships, you know that those friends won’t jeopardise your sobriety so you’ll want to maintain those friendships by realizing that a friendship is a give and take. If you make everything about you then they’ll get annoyed and eventually they’ll be the ones walking away or distancing themselves. So while you should be leaning on them for support, try also letting them lean on you as much as they need. You’ll never know what they’re really going through or how they really feel unless you ask. So for example, if you’re meeting up with your friend for lunch and the entire conversation is about you and your recovery try to recognize that as it’s happening and at some point try to turn the conversation around on them and be genuine about it too. You don’t want to spend 45 minutes talking about you and then realize 5 minutes before you have to go that you haven’t talked or been interested in them and then say so how’s it going with you? Up well time to leave. That’s not cool. The best thing you can do is to start the conversation about them – ask them what they’ve been up to, how’s their sick grandpa or how having they been handling the death of their dog? Etc. 

Regaining trust

Now I want you to think about your friends – the good ones, the ones you want to keep around but maybe they’re hesitant to let you back into their life. You’ll want to start regaining their trust. Now I say this but be cautious about this though. When you think about the normal trajectory of a friendship, it’s common to have friends that come and go throughout your life so if you have a friend whom you think you want to continue a friendship but they’ve drifted away due to your addiction, you should certainly try to reach out and do things to regain their trust but try not worry too much if you’re not getting any results. People change and friendships grow apart so feeling like you’re drifting away from someone may have nothing really to do with your addiction but more about the natural coming and going of a friendship.

But if you have a friendship where the other person lost trust in you while you were struggling with an addiction to regain their trust you’ll need patience and compassion. When I say patience I’m talking about the age old saying of time heals all wounds. By simply not taking part in your addiction will show your friends that actions speak louder than words. On top of that you’ll want to show up, live in the present when with them and be sure to step up when needed. If they need a favor or need someone to talk to, be there. The trust will gradually start to accumulate over time and turn into lasting friendships. 

Steamboat Pilot and Today did an interview with Trevor ‘Apple’ Mekelburg about his path to sobriety. Apple stated, “If you’re going to let go of a substance, you need something else to grab on to,” Apple said. “I’ve seen people in recovery grab onto all sorts of stuff — whether that be God or physical activity or music. You just need to find a community of like-minded people.”

Recovery From Addiction and the Right Treatment Program

Now that we’ve talked about the importance of friendships and knowing when enough is enough you should have the tools and confidence you need to make smart decisions about the future of your friendships and recovery efforts. Some of you may be starting over completely and finding new friends in recovery or working towards strong sober support networks. Long-Term recovery is all about balance and that includes ensuring you have a strong social support network. 

Our Recovery Program, Live Rehab, uses a  holistic approach for addiction treatment. If you struggle with a substance use disorder or any addiction, and traditional treatment programs are not for you, check out LiveRehab.com to see how you can obtain sobriety from the comfort of your own home. Life in recovery doesn’t have to be hard. Your recovery process is unique to you and that’s why we have plans that cater to everyone, individually. 

Families Matter in Recovery

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Dealing with families and addiction can often be one the most complicated pieces to your recovery. Your family  has likely had a huge impact on your substance use disorder or disease of addiction both good and bad. A person’s family involvement may have been the cause of addiction, while others have those who are there and rooting for their success. Most of you likely have members on both sides of the spectrum. There are different approaches and family programs to those who are supporting you through this process and those who may be hindering your success.

At Live Rehab, we use a holistic approach to addiction and recovery which means focusing on family relationships is a priority in our program. 

The Concept of Family

You don’t get to pick and choose who you’re related to or what family you belong. With that being said, you do need to recognize the different approaches you may take with each and every family member you have. 

There’s a specific bond that most people have with certain family members – these bonds are unique in that even when the relationships are put through the wringer the desire to repair and continue a strong healthy relationship is always there. 

You may not know where everyone stands and the nature of those relationships may come with a lot of gray areas as you start to think about them but just know that while you are taking care of yourself, you might need to make some hard choices in order to protect your sobriety. Sometimes it’s hard to spot certain characteristics or behaviors in the midst of addiction but once you start your recovery you will start to see things in a very sobering way. These choices can range from taking a break from toxic family members to owning up to your mistakes with those who love and support you – neither are easy.

There is a strong relationship between family and the success of your recovery. 

How to recognise good behaviors

Recognizing good family can often be clouded. Maybe while you were addicted your family cut you off or didn’t agree to enable. That doesn’t mean that their love for you was any less – it just means that their love was so strong that they couldn’t continue to watch your destructiveness. 

What I want you to do today, is to make a list of those who have been there for you through all this – emotionally, physically, etc. Don’t confuse this though with not enabling. This should be a list of those who you want to make amends with, those who you know would be there for you through thick and thin.

Once you’ve made this list, start working on repairing relationships. The easiest way to start the conversation is to send a text – let them know that you appreciate everything they’ve ever done for you and if they know about your addiction you can let them know that you’re working hard on your recovery. From there – see where the conversations take you. 

It won’t be easy but it’s a start. You do have to be prepared for people to be suspicious of your trust and that’s okay! Repairing relationships doesn’t happen over night. Some family members may want to see you in action – and this takes time.

For now, just send the text. 

How to recognise abuse and toxicity

Let’s now talk about those who are “not so good” and when I say not so good I’m talking about not so good for you. Not saying they’re not good people because that would a little disingenuous for me to presume. Millions of family members struggle a lot with this and part of this is how the definitions of family abuse and dynamics of family can be quite subjective as there are lots of things to consider such as genetics or environmental factors. 

What I am talking about though is that some of you may have family relationships that have put so much pressure and strain in your life that it causes you to have poor emotional health and continue to want to use or partake in your addiction. Maybe you have suffered child abuse or trauma as a child and not had a chance to work through that.

Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, SAMHSA, states: Research has shown that traumatic experiences are associated with both behavioral health and chronic physical health conditions, especially those traumatic events that occur during childhood. Substance use (e.g., smoking, excessive alcohol use, and taking drugs), mental health conditions (e.g., depression, anxiety, or PTSD), and other risky behaviors (e.g., self-injury and risky sexual encounters) have been linked with traumatic experiences. 

These could be those who use or partake in the same addiction as you and just not ready to get help yet. We do know that alcohol addiction and drug addiction is a chronic disease and oftentimes addiction is a family disease so if their drug or drinking behavior is affecting you, it’s important to recognize this.  Or maybe there could be family members who abuse, belittle, or cause so much drama that it triggers you, affects your health, and puts your recovery in jeopardy. It’s important that you understand a toxic pattern so you can protect. yourself. 

For now, just make a list of who those family members are. Don’t hold back on the list or second guess this – nobody’s going to see this so you don’t’ have to worry about hurt feelings or needing to take action. This is for your eyes only so trust your gut. 

What to do and how to treat those who are genuinely there to support you

When looking at your list, there’s a reason you put those family members in the helpful bucket. Maybe it’s because they have always been there for you as a child and even now through your addiction or understanding the nature of substance abuse treatment.  Maybe it’s because they have shown you tough love or maybe it’s just a feeling you have about them, knowing that their presence will help guide you through your recovery path. It gets highly complicated when dealing with all aspects of addiction and substance use disorders so sometimes it’s important to try and look at things through a different lens. There are many benefits of family support and involvement. 

Whatever those reasons are, it’s important to hold onto and cradle what you have. At first, things will be complicated. They always are. But now is the time to start working towards rebuilding those relationships and being careful not to push anyone away while doing so.

You have to open your mind and your heart and try to put yourself in their shoes and not get offended if things don’t go exactly how you’d want them to. 

For example, let’s say your dad is on the list because you just know deep down your dad loves you and no matter what happens he’ll always be there for you. However, you also might know that you’ve hurt  your dad over the years so his trust may not be there. So, let’s say you call up your dad to ask a favor – maybe it’s borrowing money or time. If your dad says no right away, that’s okay and it’s normal. There’s no reason to get upset or mad or expect your dad to just brush off everything that’s ever happened. You’re going to need patience and time to prove yourself reliable and honest again. Now replace dad with whoever else is on your list – the same applies. Mom, aunt, brother, sister. 

The best thing you can do is be present, be kind, and always follow through with your word. If this family knows about your addiction and knows you’re getting help then let them in on your path – your hopes, dreams, and even your daily struggles. But whatever you do, don’t get upset with them, don’t try to defend your position, just try to be present and calm. I know this is easier said than done but it’s what needs to happen in order for you to not lose the family who is and will be there for you no matter what.  

If you are taking part in individual therapy or have a substance abuse counselor, talk to your therapist or counselor about how you can approach certain situations in regards to relational patterns. 

When to walk away

There are times when a person’s family life is toxic and distancing one’s self is nearly impossible which creates a high risk factor. If this is your case, you might have to make hard decisions like walking away.

Here’s how to know when you have to walk away:

  1. If that family member doesn’t allow you to reach a state of sobriety. For example, let’s say you’re trying hard to quit your addiction and  your cousin is coming over every day exposing you or asking you to partake in your drug, alcohol, or behavior; not respecting your substance abuse treatment. 
  2. If that family member causes you to want to relapse. For example, let’s say you have quit your drug of choice but a family member is emotionally abusing you so much that you feel like you have to use or partake in your addictive behavior just to escape the reality you’re living in. Or perhaps they minimize your substance use disorder or other health concerns such as chronic diseases and refuse to engage in any sort of family program. 

If you have a family member that meets either of these two scenarios, it’s important to cut ties and walk away. Now I’m not talking forever because everyone has the ability to change but cut ties for a time that allows you to gain sober moments. If you’re unsure of how long that time is – it’s different for everyone – start with a minimum of 30 days.

Part of a 12-step program like Alcoholics Anonymous requires you to make amends with those who you have done harm to. This is good in theory but if you are trying to make amends with someone and they are not ready it’s not a good idea to keep pushing if it’s causing things to get worse such as making you feel unworthy of forgiveness or unable to change. 

If it reaches this point, it’s critical – I would call this a crisis – and you must do whatever it takes to walk away. If you have to leave your home – take that leap and do that. If you have to kick someone out then do that. AT the end of the day your sobriety should come first. Without your sobriety you can’t live and function in a way that is healthy, happy or productive.  

I know and realize this is much easier said than done. But make plans now and follow through. Whatever your situation is, always know that your success will be much higher when you take your own self seriously and distance yourself from those who aren’t good for your or your sobriety. 

Regaining their trust

Now know what to do with your good family members and know when to walk away from toxic family members.  Now, for those who are left, the ones your are opening your hearts to, the family that you trust and know will support you through just about anything – how do you regain their trust?

The creator of My Child & Addiction, Steve states, “When your child is struggling with a substance use disorder, there’s shame and blame, and situations that often involve illegal behavior, lying, and stealing that wound deeply.”

Regaining trust with those who you have lost trust with, doesn’t happen overnight. It’s going to take time but more importantly, your family is going to want to see actionable progress not just hear you say you’ve got this or i’m sorry. Poor communication will only hinder the process. 

There are two main ways to regain trust.

The first way may seem too simple but really it isn’t. It’s also the way that take the most amount of time. It’s simply not partaking in your addiction. If you are in active addiction, this step will take a bit more time as you strive for get more sobriety time under your belt.  Your family wants to see you present wants to know you’re there, ever single day and the only way to do that is to not use or partake in your addictive behavior. Now there’s no timeline for this as every family is different and there are too many factors that play into this such as history, the family process and so on. Family and friends of alcoholics are sometimes burned out so be patient with them. But if you don’t partake in your addictive behavior then that part of it will slowly start to dissipate over time. 

The second way is to have a good attitude. This may also sound simple but in reality it’s much harder when there are so many things thrown your way day in and day out. But if you’re just not using but still treating your family like shit – that’s not going to do anything. So if you really want to regain your family’s trust, the fastest way is to be positive, polite and courteous with them. Step up and help when you can, be kind when meeting them in person and don’t complain about things even if you’re agitated and there’s stuff to complain about. Think before you say things and know when to back down. Every time you’re angry, upset, or rude it’s just another dig which will then take that much longer to get the trust you need and deserve. 

Working towards healthier relationships

 Now what about everyone in between? Maybe those who have just been there; neither good nor bad. 

Part of your recovery process and a way for you to come out even stronger is going to be working towards positive healthy relationships with everyone you come into contact with; especially your entire family.  So here are some tips that you can start using today to strengthen family ties or bonds. 

  1. Understand that it’s not always about you. While yes, you’re the one going through the addiction it’s important to also understand that everyone has their own struggles. A good way to strengthen a relationship is to be genuinely interested in what other family members are up to. So actively listen, ask questions, and have input on their lives too. 
  2. Be present. Whenever you’re with a family member, make sure you are really there. Not just in the room but there and engaged. A lot of people miss stuff that’s going on around them by simply being somewhere else.  To do this; the best thing you can do is to put your phone down and take in whatever’s going on around you. Showing up is half the battle. 
  3. Give back. When I say give back, I’m talking about being the helpful person. Offer to help someone move. Offer to babysit, offer to give someone a ride. Do all of these things with no expectation that the favor will be returned to you; meeting them where they are right now. Now I say this and I want to be clear about something. We talked about toxic family members earlier and that  would be someone who is trying to take advantage of you. So for example, if you have a brother who is constantly asking you to babysit even though they know you’re going through a tough time or maybe you have a cousin is always asking you for rides but doesn’t care to ask about you or be involved in your life then that would be someone you need a break form or someone you at least need to set boundaries. When I talk about giving back, I’m talking about helping out with those who are genuinely there for you each and every day and you know that if you were ever in a pickle they’d do the same for you. 

Family Therapies or a  Family Program

Another option is to engage in a family program or family therapy sessions with a mental health professional. The benefits of family programs such as  Al-Anon Family group or a family therapist are great.  Substance abuse counselors often involve family and friends as part of treatment of substance abuse or addiction for people in recovery.

The National Institute on Drug Abuse states:

Family Behavior Therapy (FBT), which has demonstrated positive results in both adults and adolescents, is aimed at addressing not only substance use problems but other co-occurring problems as well, such as conduct disorders, child mistreatment, depression, family conflict, and unemployment. FBT combines behavioral contracting with contingency management.

There are other treatment providers such as a health care professional that could offer similar sessions or even online meetings. The important thing is to communicate – if your patterns of communication are not clear then it might be helpful to seek alternative family treatment. When it comes to family therapy programs you deserve high quality of treatment for addiction or substance abuse.

Your Road to Recovery

We know you can’t choose your family but we also know that you are free to make things stronger or to walk away. Understanding family roles is part of the process especially for people with addiction. This is why treating your substance abuse such as alcohol use disorder or addiction and finding a high quality family program at the same time is important.  A person’s family unit is always complicated and things are definitely more challenging when there is a substance use disorder involved. Your family education play a big part when it comes to treatment  providers and treatment options, your quality of life greatly depends on your treatment outcome. A domineering family member or maladaptive patterns can be problematic and affect your quality of treatment. Your road to recovery is not going to be simple so it’s important to look into platforms that have a family program. At Live Rehab we have additional resources for families who struggle with drug abuse, alcohol abuse, or addiction. The process of recovery is challenging but long-term recovery is possible. Recovery from addiction takes time so that’s why getting the right substance abuse treatment or addiction treatment is so important. Your recovery journey is worth it.

If you are here, reading this,  you have a strong potential for recovery and deserve a high level of care. Live Rehab is a platform designed for people who need to kick their addiction from home; where a traditional rehab center won’t work. Millions of people struggle in silence but you don’t have to. If you have questions about treatment or need assistance for you or someone you love, please send an email to denise@liverehab.com or check out LiveRehab.com for more information. 

Living Intentionally in Addiction and Recovery

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Living intentionally is one of the hardest to grasp concepts when struggling with addictive behaviors or substance abuse. We’re going to talk about what it means to live intentionally and how it relates to recovery. To live intentionally you need to be focusing on the body’s physical needs, focusing on living in the now and most importantly the importance of goal setting. Additionally, kindness, empathy and being grateful plays a role in your overall success. Dr. Mcgee, board certified in addiction psychiatry states, “Personal growth and recovery do not happen by accident, but as a byproduct of intentional living.”

What does it mean to live intentionally?

When you struggle with unhealthy behaviors or substance use disorder it’s important you take each day and live each moment with intention.

But what is living with intention all about? Glad you asked.

Intentional living is how you live your own life based on your values and beliefs. I’m not here to tell you how to live your life. 

I am here to help you recognize some of your own deep rooted intentions.

It is about choosing to live in a way defined by your choices. Not your subconscious. Not just going through the motions. 

If you’re in recovery or working on kicking an addiction, being complacent can lead to high-risk situations and relapse. You always need to be on your toes – let me preface this by explaining first, being on your toes doesn’t mean you can’t relax. In fact, we talk a lot about self care and giving your body a chance to relax and recover but there is a difference between calculated relaxation time to just vegging out and not thinking consciously about what your body is going through.

In recovery, everything you do should be done with intention. You should be taking care of your physical body, with intention, your mental health should be taken care of with intention, your relationships need to be thought through with intention. There should be nothing that you do that shouldn’t be without intention.

How does living intentionally help in health and addiction recovery?

A study conducted at an inner-city state-funded residential substance abuse treatment program showed a positive correlation between one’s purpose in life and relapse. Living with intention helps with balance and ability to discover one’s purpose. 

Living with intention can have incredibly positive effects for people in recovery. Living intentionally can bring great results for everyone; not just those who are struggling with an addiction by reducing the impact of stressful situations. LIving intentionally means staying focused, thinking critically about things and making moves that will benefit your overall well being. Living intentionally can help with things like an addiction trigger or drug craving. However, someone who is not struggling with an addiction, can go through periods of times or maybe never live intentionally and the outcome won’t affect them like it would someone who is in recovery. They may not gain the success they want or achieve a goal but it wouldn’t put them at risk for a relapse like someone who is struggling with an addiction. 

For example, my friend Lisa, who does not struggle with an alcohol or drug addiction, can go home from work after a hard day, throw her clothes on the floor, veg out by the television and watch reality TV while eating ice cream all while turning off her brain and won’t have any repercussions. She’ll be able to get up in the morning and go to work and pick up where she left off. 

On the flip side, my friend Matt, who struggles with alcohol, if he were to have a bad day at work and turn off his brain when he got home, like Lisa, he would likely, without even realizing he’s doing it, go to a liquor store or drink whatever liquor is at home, binge until he passes out and then would suffer the repercussions of a relapse. By turning off his brain and not living intentionally he is putting himself in high-risk situations. 

Instead, Matt should go home after a hard day at work, take a long walk with his dog around the neighborhood, and eat a healthy meal. Meditate to reduce the uncomfortable feelings and then turn on the TV and find a show on TV to help him relax. 

You see it’s unrealistic to never have down time or do normal things like watch TV. The difference is that people with addictions need to do all of these things with intention so that his subconscious doesn’t overpower and cause him to make a bad choice. One unintentional action can lead to another which can lead to another which can lead to a relapse and you don’t want that. 

Meeting the body’s physical needs

In recovery it’s super important that you’re making sure you are meeting your body’s physical needs. If you’re not meeting your body’s physical needs then you are going to be at risk for relapse. And this where intentional living comes into major play.

It’s important to make sure you get medical treatment if you have a medical condition or chronic disease. Always make sure to take the advice of a health professional. 

Another physical need you should be aware of is how your body is getting its energy. We know that’s food of course but what kind of food is put into your body to meet your body’s needs? If you fill yourself with junk food, you’re not going to feel very well whereas, if you eat a well balanced healthy diet that is low in sugar you’ll set yourself up for success. In order to be successful with a healthy eating lifestyle you need to eat with intention. Every bite you take should be a conscious bite. Something you know that is going to give your body the vitamins and nutrients it needs to be healthy and strong. When you mindlessly you tend to overeat but when you eat with intention you are much more likely to stop when you are full or when you know your body has had enough. 

Another physical need to meet is fitness. Everybody needs some sort of regular exercise. If you eat well but you’re sitting all day or not moving your body you still won’t feel as good as you would if you incorporate both healthy eating and fitness together. So to do this, you must intentionally get up and move your body. When you turn your brain off, it’s easy to forget to move. Whether you’re at work, at home, or hanging out with family and friends, be sure to incorporate fitness as often as possible. You should be doing this both rigorously (like joining a gym, hiking, biking, etc.) and also passively – so like making conscious choices to take the stairs instead of the elevator or go for a walk outside on your lunch break.

And the last part of meeting your body’s physical needs is making sure you are sleeping the right amount. This means that you must intentionally go to bed every night at a time you set for yourself. If you turn your brain off it’s easy to lose track of time. When you intentionally focus on fitness and nutrition, you’ll also be able to sleep better because of it. 

Focusing on the Now

Focusing on the now is a big part in the whole recovery process. I talk about it often in most of my courses because it’s just that important. 

There is no way to intentionally do things if you’re thinking about the past or worrying about the future. Your mind is somewhere else when you’re not focusing on the now. 

Focusing on the now is a lot harder than most people think. I mean just think about this right this moment, Are you listening to my voice or are you thinking about something else? Bring your attention here and don’t let it wonder. My challenge for you is to see if you can make it through this entire lecture without having your mind drift. Of course your mind is going to wander off though – that’s normal but how fast can you catch it and bring it back – that’s the key. 

So as we continue and talk about things like goal setting and intentionally working through each day, just remember, the moment your mind starts to wonder to gently bring it back to the present moment. Try not to get too frustrated with this task as it takes a lot of patience and time to really master this concept but if you practice as often as you can, at least a few times per day, you’ll start to see the benefits of what it means to be living in the present moment. Anxious feelings will lessen as you won’t be thinking about the past or worrying about what’s coming next because all you have is this moment right here, right now. It is a comfortable experience you are striving for. 

Want to take some action right now? Download our FREE meditation on being strong in recovery:

The Importance of Goal Setting and Structure  

We are all different people and we all have different ideas on how we can live our best possible life. Setting goals and creating structure will give you the opportunity to really work each day on living intentionally to lead productive lives. 

If you’re not working towards something then what are you working for? Everyone has goals but not everyone knows how to set them, set structure and implement the tasks required to acheive those goals. In our next lecture we’ll talk about setting big and/or small goals but for now let’s talk about how to set goals and what to do. I want to give you some examples. 

Something that you can work on this week.  

Example: “I want to be more kind.”  

So for this, you will put that as your goal and every day this week, living intentionally, you would aim to be the kindest person you can possibly be. Be mindful of every interaction you make.

Example: “I want to have a better relationship with my mom.”

For this, maybe you would send your mom a text on Monday and call her on Wednesday. Or perhaps go see her on Friday.  

Example: “I want to take a vacation to the beach.”

For this, maybe on Tuesday you would work out the cost of this trip and then on Friday you would work out how much money you would need to save in order to make this trip happen. You get the idea!

So as you can see, your work is to work backwards and the best way to do this is to set a date that you’d like to achieve the goal and then carve out time each day or week to work towards that goal. But don’t just carve out time, think of it as an outline. You know how when you were in school and you would write a paper, you always started with writing an outline.  You can do that with goal setting. Write an outline or a task list of everything that needs to happen in order for you to reach your goal and be specific. Then on the days or times you set aside to work towards that goal you will know exactly what you need to do. This eliminates the feeling of the task being too big or unsure about where to start. What types of goals do you want to set for yourself?  think big or small

Think Big or Small

I often get the question of how to set goals and should they be big or small? And that’s always a great question and never one size fits all. Really it all depends on where you are in your recovery. 

For example, some of you may have the goal of not partaking in your addiction and that’s a great goal if you’re just starting your recovery journey. But I do caution you to think deeper as you progress through. You shouldn’t just have that one goal forever. 

I want you to think of one goal big or small that you have for your life and write it down; anywhere, on a piece of paper or jot it down in your phone. I know that seems incredibly broad but think of something you’ve always wanted to do or maybe a way you’ve wanted to be.

Now look at that goal. Is it a big goal like going on a vacation or is it a small goal like calling your mom. Either way, a goal is a goal and once you write it down you can then take the steps to put it into action. Really, as long as you’re setting goals you’re making progress no matter how big or small they may seem. And that brings us to our next topic. Setting goals doesn’t have to be addiction related. 

Life Beyond Addiction

Oftentimes, treatment of substance abuse or behaviors encourages people to get stuck in the trap and believe that their entire life revolves around setting addiction goals: How many common triggers can I overcome? There is life beyond addiction.

Recovery is a beautiful thing but it’s important to have balance in your life too. And I say this as again this all really depends on where you’re at in your recovery. If you’re new to recovery then perhaps all of your goals will be recovery related but as you get some time under your belt start thinking of other things. You can combine your goals as well so maybe each week you have one recovery focused goal and one non focused recovery goal. 

For example you might have a goal to get a new job and another goal of making it to 100 days, without partaking in your addiction. Again this is not to say that you should ever lose site or not have your recovery goals in mind, it’s just to say that recovery doesn’t have to feel like it’s the only way or there’s no possibility of ever living a regular life – but regular is subjective too right?

As you progress you’ll start to notice that your goals will become more clear and focused. Just be sure that you are constantly moving forward, setting intentional goals and never losing sight of the bigger picture.  

Recovery and Being Grateful

Living intentionally is one thing but being intentionally grateful can take your recovery experience to a whole different level. It’s not easy being grateful. Most of us have had strong past experiences, some might even have past trauma or have had so many obstacles and unlucky things that have been handed to them. 

But if you can think beyond all that and take time to be intentionally grateful  you’ll surprise yourself on the impact that this can make.

You might feel like there isn’t much to be grateful for, especially early on your recovery but there’s always going to be something you can be grateful for. If you have eyes and can see this course or if you have ears and can hear my voice – those are things you can be greatful for right off the bat. As you progress through your recovery other things will start to come into your love that you can be grateful for. Maybe you start to rebuild and something amazing happens like a new relationship, getting to know your family again, starting a new job, moving to a new home, and so on. As things start to manifest it’s going to be important that you’re not just grateful but you are intentionally taking time each day to reflect and be grateful. Everyone can start with being grateful they are making the choice to kick their addiction or they already have made the choice. 

A good way to start is to write in your journal, Find something, at least one thing per day to be grateful for. 

One of my clients had an especially hard time with this activity and was very resistant. We did this activity together each week and I remember his first entry was that he was grateful that he didn’t have diarrhea. I know that sounds icky but at that moment he was truly grateful for that as his addiction caused him a great amount of stomach pain with irritable bowels. We laughed a little together and as the week’s progressed it was truly amazing how things transpired. AFter about 3 months we ended up reflecting back to week one and even he was surprised that that was the only thing he could think of in the beginning. 

My point is, it doesn’t matter where you start with this activity. Some of you may have a ton of things to be grateful for and that’s wonderful! WRite them down and think about those things daily but if you don’t have a ton of things that’s okay too. Just find one small thing each day. 

Kindness, Empathy, and Giving Back

I know it’s completely cliche to hear what goes around comes around, especially in recovery because everyone has a past but when I think of this phrase I truly believe this as far as coming from a positive intention. When you are kind, empathetic and give back to your community without expecting anything in return, good things will start to happen. LIfe isn’t always tit for tat so for example it’s not you can say oh I’ll be kind today and then get upset when someone cuts you off driving or a cashier is rude to you. This is more of an overall what goes around comes around and it doesn’t happen overnight. 

For example, if you start making changes every day to be more kind than overtime you’ll start to build up your trust with people who you have lost it with in the past. In a few weeks or months you’ll start to notice that your relationships get better and stronger and that’s what I mean by what goes around, comes around. 

I truly believe it starts with kindness, intentionally being kind. It’s a lot easier said than done but really just be nice. Don’t overreact and when someone or something upsets you do your best to stay present, calm and kind, even if you don’t get the same respect in return. It is not good to prove points, to give lessons, and so on. If you find yourself feeling like it’s impossible to say or do something kind in a rough moment, the kindness thing you can do for yourself and the other person is to walk away. Walking away is much better than not being kind. 

Once you start to figure out how to be more kind – and trust me I know this, it’s not something that everyone can do naturally but you can learn and it will come with practice but once you start to figure that part out then it’s important to practice empathy.

Empathy is doing your best to try and put yourself in other people’s shoes. So let’s say you are in a fight with a friend or family member – just remember, everyone has baggage and a history so if you can try and find common ground or relate to them in any way you are practicing empathy. 

Part of being empathetic is also remembering that it’s not always about you. Yes you are going through a lot and yes you deserve to have someone there for you but remember, everyone is human so taking the time to get to know others and understanding their situations is a form of empathy. 

And once you start to make those changes in your life, getting better each day as your recovery is stronger each day you can think about how to give back. Giving back doesn’t have to be the typical things like volunteering at a food bank or whatever, I mean if that’s what you want to do then that’s perfectly fine too but make it your own and something you’ll truly appreciate and enjoy. A lot of people like to give back in areas that have once affected them or things that they feel passionate about whether it’s people, animals, the environment, doesn’t matter just think about that. And it doesn’t have to be big either; it can be small things each day that can truly make a difference. 

Maybe you give a homeless person your apple or pull over when you see an elderly person with a broken down car. Whatever way you want to give back is up to you but once you start living with kindness, empathy and giving back to the world, your life will start to evolve as well. 

Now  I know we’ve covered a lot here and I also recognize that no one person can implement all of these strategies especially at once so let’s now let’s talk about not burning yourself out. 

Don’t Burn Yourself Out 

When struggling with addiction issues and in recovery there’s always so much thrown your way, do this and do that and everything will be great. It’s impossible to implement every single thing you’re supposed to. It takes time, patience and small gradual changes for recovery to be a success. If you go all out too hard, too fast, you will burn out. 

One thing to remember is to not beat yourself up if you can’t fit everything into one day. We talk so much here about making sure your physical health is okay, that you take care of your mental health and all of your social circles. If you struggle with a mental health disorder it’s important to talk to a mental health professional to treat your mental health and disease of addiction at the same time. Behavioral therapy and individual therapy can be a benefit to the continuum of care. 

Remember, recovery is never an overnight success. The goal is to implement what you can each day and for today to be better than yesterday. Living intentionally is a lifelong process. If you forget to journal one day, or if you don’t have the chance to work out, maybe you miss a counseling appointment or forget to take time to set goals, it’s okay! This isn’t about perfection, it’s about longevity and taking things one day at a time. You’ll get stronger each and every day you’ll be able to handle more and more. Your chance of success will increase every day. Eventually you’ll surprise yourself on how much you are actually able to take care of your mind, body and soul. But please, be kind to yourself and if you fall off somewhere, just pick up where you left off. 

Addiction and Recovery Care

If you struggle with substance abuse or a behavior addiction it’s important to find a treatment plan that meets your individual needs. Effective treatment embraces flexibility and uniqueness by using a holistic approach which is exactly what Live Rehab offers. People in recovery deserve a chance to kick their addictions without having to leave their family, pets, friends or work. Traditional treatment centers may not always be the best options and their treatment outcomes are not great. If you struggle with drug or alcohol abuse then Live Rehab could be a solution. Recovery from addiction is possible. 

We’ve helped hundreds of people get sober from home.

Our students are:

– Happy
– Sober
– Clear Headed
– Free from the chains of addiction
– Motivated
– Energetic

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