I remember the days of not being connected. For some of us, we grew up in an era (think 80’s and 90’s) where technology never really ruled our lives. I used to come home from school, jump on my bike and head out into the village I lived in. Many of us have had similar experiences I’m sure.

Back in the day technology was simply an addon or an extra. I worked in a technology superstore (think Best Buy/Circuit City if you’re American or Curry’s for you English people…) in my later teenage years. I loved technology and still do to this day. Even so, I loved my car (a 1987 Chevrolet Camaro) and enjoyed being out and about.

It wasn’t until the technology changed did the little addictions to constant connectedness appear. Before then I really didn’t give a shit. I had personal connections every single day with other people. I wasn’t waiting for a ping or a WhatsApp message. And yes, things might have been less efficient without technology.

I don’t mean to write this as a way to suggest technology is bad. In fact, I still love technology. I work with it, design with it, engage with people on it and help people in recovery on it. But, I’m also keenly aware that most of us are little addicts. When that phone buzzes we jump. When a ding goes off we run to check.

I think that if we look truly at what we have to do to be untethered from our devices we can begin to see how the little addictions of techno-culture of today closely mirror that of many drugs. Research even indicates that a little hit of dopamine floods when we check the Facebook/WhatsApp/SnapChat/Steemit/Blockchain/Mining/Gaming/PokemonGO/INSERT YOUR APP OF CHOICE HERE.

I suppose I write this because I just want you to work on building some space around the technology and it’s uses. Make sure you are intentionally connecting (pun intended) with the world in the way YOU want and not the other way round. It’s all too easy to be led around by the nose by the very devices we enjoy.

People who have grown up in an era absent of constant technology will know exactly what I’m talking about. The youth of today however will never know a world without this chain tethering us to the web. We don’t truly know the impacts of this (just like the early smokers didn’t know the true effects of nicotine) kind of world we’re building so be careful.

To your recovery,

Nick

This is an upcoming excerpt from our new course in production which is all about stopping porn addiction. If you want to get free beta access to the course before it goes on sale hit up the link and sign up. We’ll email you a special code when it goes live.

When your partner is addicted to porn

When your partner is addicted to porn it can be just as devastating for you as it is them. Porn addiction should not be treated any different than any other addiction like drugs or alcohol.

If your partner is addicted to porn the first thing you need to do is lay all the cards out on the table. Communication is important and having a conversation is where everything should start. The thing you need to know as the partner is whether or not your partner wants to stop watching porn. If they are minimizing it or if they don’t think it’s a problem then it’s important to not engage until they are ready to come to terms with the situation.

For example, many people report that if their partner is addicted to porn they just deal with it because they are afraid that their partner will turn to another person. This generally is not the case.

People who are addicted to porn do not typically go out and seek other people – that would be a sex addiction, not porn addiction. Porn addicts really just want to be left alone so they can get their fix when they feel the need. The other thing not to do is engage in any sexual acts or offer to watch porn together. This would be enabling them, giving them further ammunition and reassurance that what they are doing is okay and it’s not.

Porn Addiction – Acknowledging the Problem

On the other hand, if your partner is acknowledging their problem and wants to change then you can help them by being supportive while they find a recovery plan that works for them.

Think of their addiction like an alcohol addiction. When they are ready to stop, they’ll be okay with putting internet blockers on porn and getting rid of their paraphernalia completely. Like an alcoholic who wants to quit they would pour the alcohol down the drain. While it’s not foolproof of course because they can just go to the store and buy more, it’s a start.

I would recommend that you encourage your partner to find a program because trying to quit porn without guidance is really, really hard.

Remember, it’s important to take care of yourself through this so you can be better at helping your partner when they are ready. Self-care is not selfish, it’s a necessity.

You’ll gain a lot of knowledge in this course about the physical, emotional, and social factors that influence porn addiction.

I hope you enjoyed this snippet – let us know what you think by sending us an email. We’re always interested to know your thoughts.

To your recovery,

Nick

(some content courtesy http://www.apa.org/monitor/2014/04/pornography.aspx)